The stories we tell ourselves…

I  had a busy week, especially with year ending and finalizing plans for the new year, children writing their end of year exams…and the list is endless as many of you would also be experiencing. This is not new to me, though. I know that every year in October, November, there’s more expected from me, and so I am prepared. I told myself I could do this, geared myself for it, and this brings me to my topic for this week,  the stories we tell ourselves. We all have these internal narratives and dialogue about our abilities, our potential, and our limitations. Sometimes, we are unaware of these narratives because they have become a part of our subconscious, but it’s important to be aware of them as a first step towards understanding how they impact our success.

I remember years back talking to a close colleague who was in her forties. She didn’t feel she was where she wanted to be at this stage in her career. Her concern was that she would not be considered for any growth opportunities because of her age. I honestly did not see the link between her age and her ability to advance in her career. She was a smart woman who was doing amazing work and had built an incredible career and good personal brand. Her challenge wasn’t her age, but the limiting beliefs she had about herself.

I was intrigued listening to Martha Stewart being interviewed. She said something that just shifted my perspective. Her interviewer, who was also a woman, asked her about ‘imposter syndrome’, and she said she did not know what that was and also said to the interviewer, “Neither should you.’ In another interview, she mentioned she has no memory for bad things. Martha Stewart has had an incredible career journey starting out as a model, then a stock broker, and now she has written a hundred books, a host of many TV shows and a successful businesswoman. The five months she spent in jail have not stopped her from achieving career success. You can read her story here . I can only imagine the internal dialogue that she has with herself.

The stories you tell yourself are either going to propel you forward or hold you back. Believing your age is a liability, whether young or old is going to stop you from going after  certain opportunities. Believing you are not qualified for a certain role will stop you from putting your hand up ….and the list is endless.

Here are seven ways to reframe the stories you tell yourself and go after what you really want.

• Be aware of your internal dialogue about your future, your career, and your success.
• Consciously identify if  your thoughts empower you or limit you and the source of such thoughts.
• Rewrite unhelpful stories. Yes, you are capable. Yes, you qualify, and yes, you can go for it. You are either going to win or learn, so why not go for it.
• Practice self compassion and do not dwell on past mistakes. Take the lessons from setbacks and move on.
• Align your inner stories to your goals. If your goal is the C-Suite, then don’t focus on the glass ceiling. Tell yourself they are looking for someone with your experience, Tell yourself they are looking for someone your age, and yes, they’re looking for you specifically
• Surround yourself with positive influence, those who will reinforce empowering beliefs.
• Rewrite your story as you go. Be a continual work in progress.

Going back to the story of my colleague. A few years later, after her 50th birthday, she was headhunted and joined a well-known multinational company as part of the country executive team. Her age was never the issue in the first place. Today, she is running her own business in a very different field from what she did most of her career and continues to rewrite her story.

And finally on Martha Stewart. In the same interview where she was asked about imposter syndrome she also mentioned she was once asked about the glass ceiling, and she did not even know what that was. Here is what I have learnt, you don’t have to have a personal story about every negative thing in the workplace. It’s okay to read about all these things but don’t own them. Start working on rewriting your story, beginning with your internal dialogue and the stories you tell yourself about who you are and what you are capable of.

My sister was helping connect me with someone for a possible business opportunity, and in passing, she said, “He is the CEO, and you should probably talk to one of the managers instead.” My response was, ” I am also senior enough, and we will relate just fine.” Nothing in my head tells me I can’t reach out to a CEO because I am not yet one. That’s just not the dialogue I have with myself. I reached out to the CEO and had fruitful discussions.

Your internal dialogue is more than just fleeting thoughts. It shapes your actions, your beliefs, and ultimately your destiny. Being aware of your thoughts, identifying those that limit you, and rewriting them to align with your desired future will help you transform your life. Start writing your next chapter today and write it exactly how you want it to unfold

Gratitude: This week, I am grateful for a supportive network that reinforces empowering beliefs and encourages me to go after my goals.

Gratefully 🙏

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