Surrendered Hearts And Patient Souls…The Twins Birth Story.

Next week, our twins are turning 11. Even after all  these years, I still have pinch me moments where I can not believe how everything happened. So here is the back story. This is a long post. You have been warned.

When we got married almost eighteen years ago, I prayed and asked God for twins. My reason was simple and maybe selfish. I wanted to have two children from one pregnancy so I could pursue my career and entrepreneurial ambitions without going on maternity leave several times.   Don’t judge me. I am sure you, too, had your own misinformed ideals in your  twenties. 

So when we got pregnant the first time, I was very sure it would be twins because that had been my desire, and in my prayers I had repeatedly quoted Proverbs  10 vs 24, which says, “… the desires of the righteous shall be granted. ”  On a  visit to the gynecologist, I remember he had this small, very grainy ultrasound machine. I remember him rubbing the cold gel on my flat tummy and the expression on his face changing. His next words were, ” I can’t seem  to find a heartbeat Amai”.

Our first pregnancy ended in what they call a silent miscarriage at eleven weeks. It occurs when a fetus has died or stopped developing, but the body doesn’t expel the pregnancy tissue or recognize the loss. Unlike a typical miscarriage,  a silent miscarriage has no signs of pain or bleeding, hence the term “silent.” Even after the medical procedure to  expel the tissue,  my body seemed not to recognize the pregnancy  loss, and I continued to experience  certain pregnancy symptoms  like food cravings and nausea, which was even more  hearbreakingbut. We grieved the loss of the one we never got to meet.

A year after the miscarriage we started trying again, and two years later, our oldest daughter Minana, a Shona name which means Miracles, was born on the exact same day we had miscarried two years earlier. We named her intentionally. In my culture, I am called Mai Minana ( Minana’s Mother/ Mother of Miracles), or as my own mother explains to me often, each time someone calls me, they are calling out for miracles!

We were now busy with  baby Minana and everything that comes with being new parents. I thought I had prepared well  for the  new baby, but I soon discovered the reality was very  different from what I had read and what my friends had experienced with their own babies.  I liked to sleep in, and the baby would wake up as early as 4am. Going back to work after three months was another curveball. I still hadn’t  found the right nanny to look after the baby. In fact, that season of my life inspired this blog. I started blogging as a rant on the challenges of being a working mum, expected to show up as if we have no children and also being judged for “leaving” our kids at home with nannies.

Eighteen months after Minana was born, we were pregnant again. You would have thought the initial challenges would have discouraged us. I remember that visit to the gynecologist just as vividly as the other one. It was a Friday afternoon, same gynecologist still with the same small grainy ultrasound machine.  He rubbed the cold gel on my tummy  just like he had done the other time. Suddenly, he stopped again. I was worried. The first time he had done that three years earlier, his next words had been  heartbreaking, and so I was prepared for the worst. But what he said next changed everything. He said, “We have two heartbeats. You are going to have twins, Amai.

A month before their expected date of arrival, the scan showed one child was in breech position, meaning the legs and not head was facing down. I remember sharing this with my cousin, a nurse, and she told me if the baby did not turn so the head could face down, it was safer to have a C-section because breech births are considered high risk. Well, the breech baby did not turn.

I went to work as usual on what should have been my last day in the office before my maternity  leave. By the end of the day, I was feeling some discomfort, so I called my husband to pick me up so we could pass through the hospital to make sure all was okay. When we got there, the  midwives quickly checked me out and confirmed I was already in labor. The gynecologist arrived at the hospital a few minutes later, and I was screaming, asking  him to get me to the theatre for a C-Section. He just smiled and told me he would ensure both me and the babies were safe. The twins were born through virginal  natural delivery  five minutes apart in what was a very short and painless delivery. Guess what? The first baby came out in  breech position, apparently not safe in the medical field. I know this was a miracle because every time  I share the twins birth story with those who are knowledgeable on these things, the look of horror on their faces tells me a higher power was at work…but then remember I am Mai Minana, mother of miracles! Isaiah (boy)  and Joana (girl)  are their names. They are fraternal twins. They do not look the same.

I had desired twins from the beginning, and on my third pregnancy, God granted my desire.  It was not on my timing. It was on His timing, which was perfect. The theme for my post today is learning  to surrender, wait patiently, and trust God’s timing.

In 1 Samuel chapters 1 and 2, Hannah had longed for a child for years, enduring emotional pain and mockery from Peninah, her husband’s other wife. In her anguish, Hannah turned to God, not away from Him. She poured out her soul in the temple, surrendering her desire with these words:

“If you will… give your servant a son, then I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life.” God honored her surrender, and she gave birth to Samuel,  who became a prophet and leader in Israel.

God is a good father, and like any good father, He delights in giving His children good things. Matthew 7:11 says, “If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him?”. This verse highlights the generosity of God compared to even the best human efforts. I think sometimes we forget this, especially when we feel what we want is not coming fast enough.

My prayer for anyone reading this and waiting and still believing for a deep desire or going through challenges or discouragement is that you run towards God and not away from Him. Surrender it all  to Him because surrender doesn’t mean giving up. It means placing your deepest desires into God’s hands, trusting His wisdom and His timing.  I pray that the birth story of Isaiah and Joana encourages you to surrender to God’s timing.  And in your waiting season, may you have the right heart posture as you wait on Him. I encourage you to get your journal and think about the below:

• What area of your life have you been praying and holding on  tightly to? Write a prayer of surrender, naming what you are letting go of and what you are trusting God to handle.
• What does “waiting well” look like for you today?

Isaiah 40:31 “But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength…”

So one of the question we often get as a couple is. ”  Who has twins in their family between the two of you? “. The answer is in two parts

• My husband has two sisters. One has triplets who are boys, and the other has twins who are girls. In both instances, they are all identical twins. I still can’t tell the difference between Jackie and Jessie almost twenty years after meeting them.
• My father’s older sister ( aunt/ tete in Shona) also has twin identical girls.

Let me bring some science into this discussion. According to the Australian Multiple Births Association, identical twins happen when a single embryo splits in two soon after fertilisation. This is why identical twins have identical DNA. They came from the same fertilised egg. Since embryo splitting is a random spontaneous event that happens by chance, it doesn’t seem to run in families and there’s no scientific evidence that being from a family with identical multiples has any impact on your odds of having twins. The same is not true for fraternal twins.

Fraternal twins can run in families. In fact, a woman that has a sibling that is a fraternal twin is 2.5 times more likely to have twins than average! For a given pregnancy, the odds of conceiving fraternal twins are only determined by the mother’s genetics, not the father’s. Fraternal twins happen when two eggs are simultaneously fertilised instead of just one. There appears to be a genetic link that predisposes some women to hyperovulation, which means releasing more than one egg during ovulation or each menstrual cycle.

Heredity on the father’s side does not increase a couple’s odds of having multiples. This is true even if his family is full of multiples. Men, of course, don’t ovulate, so even if they’ve inherited that hyperovulation gene from their parents, it doesn’t increase their own odds of conceiving twins. It’s all about the fertilisation of eggs, and a father’s genes can’t make a woman release two eggs. He is likely to pass it on to his own daughter and not his wife.

So to answer the question we often get, we have fraternal twins and even though we have history of identical multiples in both sides of the family, this one is a God thing and He gets all the glory!

Gratitude: This week, I am grateful for Minana and the twins Isaiah and Joana. They are an everyday reminder that God is faithful that  He cares and that He answers prayers.

On my playlist this week is This I Know by Rivers Worship. This song reminds me of  God’s faithfulness. He is for you, and He will make a way.

Gratefully