Their Story Is Not Your Story

Six years ago, on the 1st of September, our family of five landed in South Africa. After renting for a few months, we realized the amount we were paying in rent was more than a monthly mortgage repayment if we decided to buy. So we started exploring. Naturally, we enquired from friends and colleagues.

That’s when the stories started. Some told us: “As foreign nationals, you will need a 50% deposit before a bank even considers you.” Others warned: “You will need credit history, so first open clothing accounts to prove you are creditworthy before even trying.”

We decided to go ahead anyway. We didn’t have 50% deposit. We didn’t open clothing accounts. We just started house hunting. We later learnt the best approach is to get pre-approved by a bank first, but let’s  continue because this isn’t an article on how to buy a house.

Once we identified the home we loved, we made a conditional offer subject to us securing 90% of the value as a mortgage. Our estate agent connected us to a bond originator who approached multiple banks on our behalf. Within two weeks, we had several offers. Not one of them required a 50% deposit. The only difference was the interest rates each bank offered.

We love it when others share their stories. We learn from them, are inspired by them, and sometimes, without realizing it, we let them shape how we see the world. This is true for both stories with happy endings and those with disappointing ones. The theme for today is  don’t let someone else’s story become the lens through which you interpret your own life.

I remember later meeting family friends who were also trying to buy a house. They told us they were selling property back in Harare to raise the “required” 50% deposit. When I asked which bank they had spoken to, their answer was telling: none. They had simply believed the stories they had heard. When I shared that we had been approved with just a 10% deposit, they were stunned.

How many people unknowingly hold themselves back because they have adopted someone else’s story and fears as their reality?

A friend’s marriage fails, and you conclude that all men are unfaithful.

You read that 70% of small businesses don’t survive to their fifth birthday, and you decide not to start your dream venture.

Or you see a role you want to apply for, and you are told they don’t usually consider people like you and you decide not to even send your application. (whatever meaning you assign to people like you)

Wisdom is in learning from others. But the caution is this, don’t confuse learning from a story with living inside it.

This is not new. In Numbers 13–14, Moses sent twelve spies to scout the Promised Land. Ten came back with a story of fear: “The land devours its inhabitants. The people are giants. We are like grasshoppers in their eyes.”

Their account spread quickly, paralyzing an entire nation. But Joshua and Caleb saw the same land and returned with a different story: “The land is exceedingly good. If the Lord delights in us, He will give it to us.”

Two groups, completely different stories. Why did the people choose to believe the fearful report? Why did they not want to believe Joshua and Caleb’s report? Our brains are wired to prioritize negative information, as it helps us to avoid potential harm. This is why we might pay more attention to bad news or negative reviews, as they signal something that needs attention or caution.

Other people’s stories are valuable, yes, listen to them. But weigh them carefully. Do these stories inspire faith or fear in you? Other people’s stories aren’t your prophecy. Their outcome doesn’t predict yours. Learn the lessons, but don’t inherit the fear. Discern your unique path, season, and preparation. Trust that God’s plan for you may write a completely different ending.

Your story is still being written. Don’t surrender your pen to someone else’s fear.

Gratitude: Spring is here, and I am grateful for what it symbolizes, newness, new life, new beginnings, and a new season.

On my playlist this week is No Idols from Mmuso Worship featuring Yanga Sobetwa and Brenden Praise

Gratefully